This post was written by Laura Oyer, PhD, HSPP – Licensed Psychologist, Parkview Behavioral Health Institute Eating Disorder Program.
Eating Disorders Awareness Week (EDAW), an observance devoted to educating the community on how to identify and support someone who suffers from the disease, is February 26 – March 3. When thinking about this year’s theme, “Healing in Community,” I wanted to share how our community can help prevent eating disorders, as well as support those who are on their recovery journey. Shifting our words and actions around weight, food and bodies, even just a little, can have a huge impact. I invite you to have an open mind and consider these ideas.
Stop praising people for weight loss and having a small body
Often, when we praise someone for weight loss or having a small body, we think we’re giving a compliment or saying something that will make that person feel good. However, this is problematic, because it reinforces the belief that “I am only good, loveable and accepted in a small body (or when I am losing weight).” If children hear these messages, it can be dangerous because children and adolescents are supposed to gain weight, especially during puberty. If they hear constant messages about weight gain being “bad,” they might begin to fear their body is not good and begin dieting or using other means to slow or stop weight gain, when it’s vital for their bodies.
These messages are also very harmful to someone in recovery, as these individuals often need to restore weight and/or stay regularly nourished which may mean they need to stay at their current weight to recover. Often for individuals with eating disorders, weight loss would mean a relapse with eating disorder behaviors, such as restricting, binging or purging.
What to do instead: Rather than praising someone for weight loss, see humans as more than their body, and comment on that.
It’s easy to make a quick comment about appearance, but praising someone for their character, values or light within is more difficult and intimate. It’s also a much more lasting compliment and creates a culture where we can encourage others for who they are, not just how they look.
Stop being the food police
Another way you can be a good community member, support the prevention of eating disorders and help those in recovery is changing the way we talk about food.
While it’s true that some foods have more nutrients than others and getting diverse, adequate nutrients and vitamins is important to our health, it’s also true that it’s okay to enjoy all foods. We should not villainize eating less-nutrient-dense foods (notice how I didn’t say “bad foods”).
We have turned eating into a cognitive activity, disconnected from our bodies, which means that we have put rules around what is “good” and “bad” instead of noticing how foods feel to our bodies. For example, there might be an ingredient that makes one of my family members feel sluggish but doesn’t affect me the same way. Does that make it a good or bad food? It isn’t black and white, but rather much more nuanced.
For someone prone to rigidity and rule-following, food rules can create fewer options, leading to fewer nutrients and calories, which can continue as a restrictive eating disorder. This can also lead people to the cycle of restricting and bingeing on these foods.
What to do instead: Instead of labeling foods as good and bad, work to connect more to your body (or help younger kids/others do this) and use it to guide what foods to consider and consume.
One way I intentionally do this with my young children is on holidays. For example, this past Halloween, when we came home with their treats, I allowed my kids to eat candy (trying hard to not say things like, “Only one, you’ll get a tummy ache if you eat too much.”) and encouraged them to enjoy it and notice if their tummy wanted any more. My son (who is older and has done this for a few years) only ate a few pieces and said he was done. However, a year prior, with the same freedom, he ate a bit more than his body probably wanted and noticed it gave him a stomachache. This experience helped him use this embodied knowledge (not just someone else’s rule) to do what was right for his body. There was no need to count calories or think about “less than perfect” ingredients, just the wisdom of his body.
Additionally, for those in eating disorder recovery, an important part of their journey is learning to have more cognitive flexibility around foods and that all foods can fit into one’s diet.
Stop associating exercise with weight loss
One last way to be a good community member and support those navigating an eating disorder is to change how we talk about exercise. I so often hear the word exercise get equated to weight loss or changing one’s body in our culture.
I like to use an entirely different word – movement. When we only think about moving our bodies to change it, we completely miss out on the actual benefits of moving, like maintaining flexibility as we get older, getting stronger in our muscles and bones to prevent injury or connecting with others and nature (if we move with others or outside).
Talking about movement/exercise as something that helps our social health, spiritual health and mental health can broaden how we see movement and help shift our relationship to it. Often, a big part of eating disorder recovery is helping individuals see that exercise and movement can be used in healthy ways, so constantly hearing others equate these terms with body change is very detrimental.
What to do instead: Consider calling it movement instead of exercise and focus on the many positive gains of movement beyond weight loss.
I most enjoy moving with friends, being in nature and connecting more deeply to myself. I’ve also found fun, expressive ways of moving my body, such as in free-form dance that helps me shake out and process the stress that my body holds and builds up each day.
Seeing movement for its value outside of changing a body, promotes the real benefits and halts the perpetuation of the belief that weight loss should be the goal.
An intentional shift
Many of the behaviors and terminology outlined above are considered “normal” in our current culture. Perhaps you’ve never considered how they could be harmful. As a professional, I think about these narratives like gas to a fire. For those who are genetically predisposed to an eating disorder, these messages fuel the beliefs and behaviors around the need to restrict (which could then lead to bingeing or purging), obsessive thoughts and fears about food, and over- or under-exercising/moving our bodies. These messages also feed our disconnection to ourselves, others and even the world around us.
Focusing on the ideas that all bodies are valuable, worthy and lovable, trusting our body’s cues to guide us with food choices and engaging in movement that allows connection helps prevent eating disorders and supports those in recovery. Plus, it creates a community where we can connect on deeper levels.
If you or someone you know struggles with disordered eating or an eating disorder, contact the Parkview Behavioral Health Institute for an assessment at 260-481-2700.
