"Boys don't cry,", "toughen up," and "rub dirt on it" are a few phrases men hear in their formative years, often said with the intent of instilling strength and resilience in the face of adversity. But for some, these mantras also influence how they seek medical and mental healthcare.
David Bourgeois, a 58-year-old INDOT inspector and Nick Alexander, a 71-year-old retired pastor, open up about their experiences with heart disease and the importance of having a space to talk about it.
A cardiac event
One rarely forgets their first heart event, but for Nick, the reminder comes prefilled on the calendar every February 14.
"Both of the surgeries on my heart were on Valentine's Day. I had to be in the hospital two years in a row," he shared, the irony not lost on him. After coming home from the gym and grocery store on a particularly chilly afternoon in 2023, he felt a radiating pain traveling from his neck to his shoulders.
Though it didn't seem alarming at first, when the pain didn't subside, Nick and his wife decided a trip to the hospital was best. His doctors discovered that he'd had a near-total blockage in one of his arteries, prompting an angioplasty to open narrowed vessels and restore blood flow.
Later that evening, while recovering from the procedure, the severity of the situation hit Nick. "It was hard for me even to say, the first time--that I even had a heart attack," he said. His experience didn't resemble what he'd thought it'd be like. "I always think back to the old Sanford and Son show, whenever he'd get upset and clutch his chest and go, 'I'm having the big one.'"
A recent study published by the American Heart Association calls out these grandiose reenactments, which often misrepresent the multitude of subtler symptoms that accompany a cardiovascular event.
His nurse and cardiologist explained how the condition can vary in severity and presentation, helping Nick understand what happened to him physically. "Now I say heart attack, but before it was very strange to say it because the only person in my family who ever had a heart attack was my uncle many, many, many years ago."
Though there were no initial complications following the stent, less than a year later, Nick began noticing new cardiovascular-related symptoms. "I started feeling more problems, like shortness of breath. Then I had really bad angina, it felt close to a heart attack again."
On February 14, 2024, Nick underwent his second heart procedure, cardiac double bypass surgery. Cardiac rehab helped Nick regain strength. Lifestyle and medication adherence would lower his risk of future events. But neither of the interventions prepared him for how different he'd feel afterward.
Nowhere to go
Around the same time, David was navigating his own cardiac recovery. In March 2023, he had two stents placed to restore blood flow. Though the procedure proceeded normally, he returned to the hospital a few weeks later with severe chest pain. This time, the solution was quadruple-bypass surgery.
Now that his heart was on the mend, questions about what life looks like after surgery filled his mind. "When it happens, you lose your identity, you lose your strength. You don't know whether you'll be able to work again, if you're going to be able to have sex again or whether you'll be able to protect your family. You feel quite alone in your feelings."
One thing about David, and he'll tell you himself, is that he doesn't shy away from exploring his emotions. Having participated in support groups before, he knew the first step in coming to terms with this new reality was to get his concerns out in the open and hear from others who'd been there.
So, when he asked a nurse for the heart support group schedule and was advised that one didn't exist, he was initially disappointed. "In a half-joking manner, because I know they were busy. I said, "Well, I'd like to speak to your boss then." She actually got him; his name is Tom." David chuckled, recalling the interaction. "I was totally shocked, to tell you the truth, I wasn't expecting any results."
Tom Ibholm, director of nursing services, inpatient cardiovascular, sat down with David and heard him out about the absence of a support group, and agreed that the need existed. He forwarded David's thoughts to Michelle Wood, clinical nurse specialist, who also visited to discuss the logistics of setting up a support group. The ball was rolling, but it would take some time. David remained hopeful and supportive in his own way.
"I kind of was a pest," he admitted humorously. " Every once in a while, I would call up or email and say, “Hey, how is it going? When's the start date?” I was trying to find out whatever I could on the progress."
Nearly a year later, Brave Hearts: A focus group for men with heart disease held its first meeting.
Adjusting to life after
Attendance during the first couple of months was light, something that David believes mirrors how challenging it can be for men to initiate conversations about their health concerns.
"There's fear," he explained. "Men are expected to protect, work and be in charge of a lot of things. But after something like a cardiac event, you feel like you're trapped, you can't move, you can't cough, you can't sneeze. You don't know what life is going to be like, and it's super scary."
Prior to Brave Hearts, Nick had never participated in a support or focus group. The Vietnam War combat veteran confessed that his time in the service and the political climate afterward greatly shaped his willingness to open up and trust others.
"I grew up in the San Francisco area, and that was a hub of a lot of the protests. I saw that firsthand as a young man. I was 17 when I went," he shared. "So, when I came home, it's like you don't tell anyone and you just buck up, buttercup, and go on with your life... I'm learning to be better at this."
Despite his hesitations, encouraged by his wife and daughter, Nick decided to give Brave Hearts a try.
While many cardiac recovery programs focus on the physical aspects of rehabilitation, Brave Hearts is structured around a patient-centered forum that addresses men-sensitive topics to support social adjustments and physical challenges following a cardiac event.
This method allows men to share their personal experiences and ideas while also engaging in health-promoting lifestyle activities, such as exercise, nutrition education, stress-reduction strategies, and tools to address other modifiable risk factors.
"It's not a very big crowd, a couple of people come and go, but it's been very good to hear their stories and what they've gone through. I'm learning that for people who have heart problems--there's more to it afterwards," Nick said.
Patients diagnosed with a cardiac condition, those who have suffered a heart attack or undergone open heart surgery, are at an increased risk of developing depression or becoming depressed.
"I've experienced bouts of depression from other instances, so I have to deal with that stuff too," David explained. "But it helps me a lot knowing that I have a support group there and I don't have to be on the negative side."
Final thoughts
Looking back on how the group has grown from his initial inquiry to today, David expresses gratitude for program facilitators Tom, Michelle and Cale.
"I have to give them credit; they were and are awesome. They listen, they're supportive, and they're attentive. They take what you actually say to heart and don't brush anything off. They are a lifesaver in more ways than one. I give them credit for all of that because they did listen, and they did fight for this group."
Though both David and Nick are several years post-op, they continue to attend Brave Heart meetings not only to reinforce their well-being but to keep holding space for others to address their recovery.
Nick passes on this advice:
"Don't let it go because you're a guy and can take it. No, we can't, we're human beings, and your body is telling you there's something wrong. If you don't want to go through it alone, come to a Brave Hearts meeting. There are other men—and Michelle—who understand what's happening to you. We're here to help."
Learn more
If you are a man who has been diagnosed with heart disease or experienced a heart-related health event, join Brave Hearts: A focus group for men with heart disease.
Our group meets on the second Thursday of each month at the Parkview Heart Institute, 5th floor, from 6 – 7 p.m. If you’re interested in joining, please RSVP to [email protected].
