This post was written by Jessica Gabbard, LMHC, clinical program supervisor, Parkview Behavioral Health Institute.
We’re currently in peak holiday season, when we’re told, “’Tis the season to be jolly.” But what does it mean when we’re not?
Holidays, whichever you celebrate, while often beautiful and joyful, can also be filled with pressure, stress and expectations, as well as loneliness, grief and a sense of loss. Those big days of the year –– holidays, anniversaries, birthdays –– can often come with a lot of memories and nostalgia, sometimes good, but sometimes painful. In working with clients, we talk about finding ways to make space for grief around holidays and to remove/reduce the pressure and expectations that a holiday has to be perfect, exceptional, special and/or joyful.
Many have loved and cherished holiday traditions and memories of this season that fill us with warmth and a sense of connection and belonging, but this is not everyone’s experience, and it’s important to recognize that you’re not wrong or abnormal if your feelings around the holidays aren’t all warm and fuzzy. It’s okay to be sad, angry, grieving, anxious and even fatigued/burnt out! These feelings are all normal and valid and important, and we shouldn’t put pressure on ourselves to shove these feelings to the side.
Strategies for navigating holiday burnout
For those who may be struggling in this season, here are a few things to consider that I hope you might find helpful.
- It may sound cheesy, but it really is okay to not be okay. You’re not superhuman, you’re not above the full range of emotions we face as a species. Emotional expression is part of our common humanity. It makes us more alike and more connected to others. Oftentimes, I hear people say that their feelings cause them to feel isolated, alone or distant from others, but, while others may not have had the exact same experiences as you, it can be healing to recognize that things like grief, anger, guilt, shame, sadness, loneliness, boredom, etc. actually link us to one another; our emotions are a way that we’re alike and a kinship that we share.
- Emotional suppression is okay when done with the intention of coming back for self-care later. I know that not every moment is the most appropriate for emotional processing or letting out all your unfiltered feelings. For example, you might feel the need to put on a smile for the sake of your young children on Christmas morning. This is appropriate and okay, but suppressing an emotion temporarily is different than shoving emotions down and sweeping things under the rug. Instead, try imagining/visualizing placing your emotion(s) tenderly and compassionately onto a shelf or into a container in your mind, with the promise of returning when you have time and capacity to feel what you need to feel and to hear your emotion out. If you’re interested, this video is a good example of this type of visualization practice.
- Holiday traditions are allowed to change; just because it’s what you’ve always done, doesn’t mean it’s what you must do. It’s okay to assess if what you’ve previously done is still working for who you are today and for your needs/wants now. All traditions were new ideas once, so why not make a new tradition now! Similarly, it’s okay to have new/different boundaries and to change up how you’re relating to others, balancing/juggling time, sharing your resources and where/how you’re spending your energy.
- If you can’t avoid stressors/triggers, plan for self-care! Schedule time to properly bookend stressors with time to proactively care for yourself and time to decompress after.
- If you’re one to set New Year’s resolutions, only set goals that feel reasonable and attainable based on where you’re at in your life today. Goals that push us too far, too fast are usually not sustainable, and we end up feeling like we’ve failed. This causes us to lose motivation and momentum and to lose faith in ourselves. Additionally, we’re often very critical of ourselves and our self-improvement goals can come across more like self-bullying than self-care. Instead, consider setting the goal of being a better friend to yourself or doing more of something you genuinely love.
- Find someone you trust to be vulnerable with – whether that’s a family member, a friend or a professional like a therapist. It’s important to let someone else in to how you’re doing, really. Difficult thoughts and emotions aren’t a personal failure, and you shouldn’t feel any shame for needing to talk to someone about them! You’re not alone!
- And lastly, it’s okay if it’s not perfect! True, genuine presence is more valuable than perfection.
I hope at least one of the above tips can serve as a helpful reminder and encouragement to you in this season. Be gentle with yourself and know you’re not alone.
Help it available
Parkview Behavioral Health offers a 24/7 helpline resource and can direct you to available services/resources or dispatch our mobile crisis intervention team to provide urgent assessment and support. You can call the PBHI HelpLine at 260-471-9440 or toll free at 800-284-8439, anytime 24 hours a day.
If you’re in crisis, there are a variety of resources available. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number is 988. You can call this hotline anytime 24/7 to be connected with a trained support person. Additionally, there are options for 24/7 text-to-chat or online chat resources. The Crisis Text Line can be accessed anytime 24/7 by texting 741741. Remedy Live is another 24/7 text-to-chat crisis support resource. They can be reached by texting 494949 anytime 24/7.
